Pivot to a Soulcial Revolution: A Reconstruction Story in Two Parts

Awakening to a radical and open spirituality after deconstruction

Time to Pivot

I’d like to begin a new series on Tuesdays with Doctor G. entitled, Pivot to Soulcial Revolution: A Story of Reconstruction in Two Parts. This will lay the groundwork for what came after deconstruction, which I believe is the more remarkable story.

Up to this point, I have shared what happened during my biblical deconstruction and the reasons for losing faith in the Bible, and in faith altogether.

I’m grateful I was able share that narrative as it allowed me to break the silence around my spiritual struggles. It was immensely liberating. I hope those initial posts will continue to spark honest conversations about issues of faith and about a book—the Bible—that few people understand, but which has immense power over their lives.

Now I’d like to pivot to reconstruction.

Letting go of my faith was a devastating loss. Like death actually. But what I gained on the other side was nothing short of extraordinary. In this introductory post, I will describe the spiritual transition from loss to gain and lay out the core theme for the series—the integration of complexity.

At the end of this post, I will outline the remainder of the series by extending the concept of integration into five domains of our human existence.

These are the spokes of a Soulcial Revolution.

My Immersive and Conflictive Christian Experience

In order to understand the importance of integration to the Soulcial Revolution, I must begin near the other end, with division, specifically the type of divide produced by conflict.

Here’s the truth.

The fundamental orientation of the Bible is one of conflict, a battle between the forces of good and evil. Whether it’s the “people of God” (PoG) taking out the non-PoGs in the Hebrew Bible, or early Christians battling Satan in the New Testament, warfare is baked into nearly every page.

After my conversion, I put on the supernatural goggles of the Bible. Without realizing it, I began to see the modern world through the eyes of King David or the apostle Paul. They perceived people, groups, and nations in binary terms (in or out of the holy club) and they were insiders, of course.

And if you were an outsider? Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Over the entirety of my Christian life, this perception of people and the world got into my system. I took on the identify of a soldier of the Lord, complete with full body armor and a special sword. I swam in the violence and bloodshed celebrating victories over pagan nations as worship. And I had to be ever vigilant for that super predator Satan “who prowls around like a lion seeking whom he may devour.”

Being a Christian was an anxious affair—always wrestling against unseens forces in order to protect my soul, and the souls of those I loved.

In my time as a professor, I taught Augustine’s primitive vision of human corruption where every person was fundamentally flawed at birth and could not be trusted unless transformed by God. Finally, I even had an adversarial relationship with the planet as Genesis 1 had given me complete dominion over the earth and its creatures.

My worldview as a Christian was defined by this ever-present war. It seemed I was always in conflict with my nature, other people, the planet, as well as the Bible which was causing equal parts good and harm.

The Supernatural Power Goes Out

I mentioned at the start that losing my faith was devastating. Toward the end of my deconstruction period, I was in a spiral of despair. I was losing everything in my life—ministry, community, purpose and a faith that had sustained me for decades.

I call it grieving the loss of eternity.

As I’ve shared my story, folks often ask me if I prayed or sought the Spirit enough, implying I could have avoided this outcome. I get the question, but it’s insensitive given what I went through. I gave my life to this experiment—as did my family, who had little choice—so yes, I did enough.

I did not desire, choose, or seek out this route.

I don’t remember exactly when it happened, but there came an “oh shyte” moment when the Bible changed from God’s holy word to ancient human literature. In the blink of an eye, I had unplugged the power of divinity going into the text and the power of the text going into my mind.

After realizing I had been an unwitting character in Augustine’s nightmare, thirty years of constructed reality came crashing to the ground.

The Gustavo who saw the world in supernatural conflict died that day.

And I experienced darkness.

…

…

The Wonder of Awakening

When I awoke, having taken off the supernatural lenses of ancient authors, the world exploded into a million colors of complexity. That’s the only way I can describe it. In one of my Substack Notes I called it a terra forming of the mind.

What happened in that mental exchange was more than a shift in my theological perspective. It was a Matrix-like moment that rewired my mind and consciousness. For three decades, I had seen the world through the eyes of Bronze Age warriors, and ancient apocalyptic writers.

Binary, adversarial, and in constant discord.

Now I was staring straight into a universe of infinite complexity where everything was transformed—politics, sexuality, human nature, religion, the world, and people, especially people.

I was left with a feeling of wonder and elation that I’ve never experienced before. Most importantly, every whisper of internal strife coming from the Bible disappeared from my life. I was no longer divided against myself, others, the Bible, or the planet.

This is what I came to define as a deep and abiding integration—almost Zen like.

The Spokes of the Soulcial Revolution

By letting go of a supernatural Bible, or rather, by being forced to let go, I stepped into a new way of thinking and being in the world. After retiring from ministry, I reflected on this concept of integration and later experienced an unprecedented vision of overwhelming love and connection with people and everything in the world. I’ll share more about this later.

This is how I arrived at a two-part reconstruction story.

In the rest of this series, I’ll explore this idea of integration in five areas of our human existence. Two will focus on the inner world (soul), and three on the outer world (social). Both combine to form the critical integrations to begin embodying a Soulcial Revolution.

Here is the series outline:

PART ONE - INTEGRATING THE COMPLEXITY OF OUR HUMANITY (SOUL)

1. First Integration: From Self-Loathing to Self-Acceptance - Integrating the complexity of our humanity moves beyond the beliefs that we are “fundamentally broken” at birth or that we have two warring natures—one good, the other shameful and lurking like a monster waiting to devour us. It is a beautiful thing to move from self-hatred to complete self-acceptance as a person.

2. Second Integration: From Divine Words to Ancient Wisdom - Integrating the complexity of a human Bible, and human Jesus, we can approach this figure without any commentary, doctrine or belief. This is a pretty remarkable exercise in itself. We also bring the focus back to the radical message of the carpenter from Nazareth—the original social justice warrior. One other benefit? Anyone of any religious or non-religious stripe can approach this figure in this way.

PART TWO - INTEGRATING THE COMPLEXITY OF OUR WORLD (SOCIAL)

1. Third Integration - From Confrontation to a Shared Humanity - Integrating the complexity of people allows us to move beyond binary thinking in relationships. We are not in conflict with other people, cultures, or religions. We can love people as complicated human beings without having to convert them to a worldview of eternal warfare.

2. Fourth Integration - From Dominion to Solidarity - In this post, I’ll introduce the concept of an earth rider. We are all one planet, riding to eternity at cosmic speed, together. We do not have dominion over the earth or its creatures. We cannot do with either as we wish. We have a profound responsibility to protect and care for all of life on this beautiful blue and green ball of yarn—our home.

3. Fifth Integration - From Cosmic Battle to Universal Connection - In a vision that could only be explained through Eastern philosophy, I experienced a universe of infinite love and connection. This is overflowing love as the force that can transform people and our world.

Integrating the complexity of my humanity and the world removed the spiritual strife that was a part of my Christian existence. The result was an awakening to a radical and open spirituality—a Soulcial Revolution.

This is what I’m now trying to live out and build.

Til the next post.

Gustavo

P.S. I’d be curious to hear your thoughts on which of the integrations appealed to you most.

P.P.S. Also, we are all learning from one another. If you have a different take on something, please share that as well. If you don’t feel comfortable, then please share it with me directly.